It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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