i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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