My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
