hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
