Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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