i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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