well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
God I need to hump something, right now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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