I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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