But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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