I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize