How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
