i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
