im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
