why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
