after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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