how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
