Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
