Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
