It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
