You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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