Who wears a wallet chain?!
she smelled like a LAN party
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She even gives head with a lisp.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
