I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
