I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
