I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize