and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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