so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
