she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
