wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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