Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
