im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
