We're like a lot better than the average bears
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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