A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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