Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your cock deserves a montage
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
