If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
