I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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