Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
