and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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