its not stalking. its research.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
