1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
