just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize