Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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