I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
