Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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