WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
