My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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