I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
