I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
