he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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