I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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