no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
