if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I take back everything I said about communal showers
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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