I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
