gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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