Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize