Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
