Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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