i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
