oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
