Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
