end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
