I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
