we have officially lost it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
