I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
