LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize