so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
