Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
