just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
