Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
