TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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