Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
