One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
