I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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