Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
