I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
