She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
