ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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