Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize