they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i drank out of a bidet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
