Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
