She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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