thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
