I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
