you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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