fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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