first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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