I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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