matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
