ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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