At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
